NEWS YOU CAN ABUSE

A Weekly Dose Of News Items That Amuse Me In Some Way or Another

Source: Associated Press - Dateline: Wilimington, North Carolina

A North Carolina sheriff's official has apologized for plunging a funeral into chaos when undercover agents tried to arrest the dead man's son — and used a Taser on him in the process.
It happened as the coffin was being loaded into a hearse. The officers planned to quietly arrest pallbearer Gladwyn Taft Russ III, The Star-News of Wilmington reported Wednesday.
Relatives said two deputies dressed in coats and ties grabbed Russ and kneed him in his back before Tasering him. One deputy's gun fell out of its holster.

Russ' sister, Taffy Gause, said when she got out of the car a deputy "was waving a gun at me and my mom and yelling to get back or he was going to shoot." She said some mourners went home instead of going to the cemetery. Russ, 42, had failed to surrender after being charged with threatening his ex-wife who lives in another state, officials said. Following his father's death Nov. 11, Russ agreed to surrender after the funeral.

When deputies approached Russ during the Saturday funeral, he "went wild" and spat on the officers, said New Hanover County sheriff's chief deputy Ed McMahon. McMahon said the officers should have waited until after the cemetery service. "It was never my intention to create any more problems for the family, and I am truly sorry and apologize for that," he said. McMahon said the officers pointed Tasers at people because the crowd was moving toward them.

Russ was charged with assault on a government official, resisting an officer, disorderly conduct and felony malicious conduct by a prisoner. "Everybody was so scared. We thought it was a drug deal gone bad," said Ronnie Simmons, a pallbearer and Russ' brother-in-law. "We almost dropped the casket."

Now, aside from the fact that almost anything that happens at a funeral in some bizarre way causes me amusement, there are quite a few "gems" of hilarity in this story.

The riot at the back of the hearse would be a great youtube video posting. I just picture some sort of Monty Python sketch involving John Cleese playing "the Vicar" yelling at Grahm Chapman "the Police Sgt." whilst sliding the casket back and forth between them arguing about jurisdiction issues...

Then there is the name of the arrestee..."Gladwyn Taft Russ III"? Sound like one of the rich bastards from Alpha Beta Fraternity in Revenge Of The Nerds.

And Gladwyn's sister doesn't fair much better in the name game, he gets the classy one while she sounds like a New Jersey Stripper... "Taffy Gause". (Not that I have anything against New Jersey strippers)

"Mr. Russ agreed to surrender to authorities after the funeral"...I guess the deputies figure that once the stiff is in the wagon the funeral is pretty much over. To bad they never heard about the graveside service.

But the winning moment in this news story for me is the name of the Chief Deputy. Ed McMahon. Must make serving summonses and arrest warrents easier. "Honey?...Ed McMahon's at the door and he says you might be a winner!"